Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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