Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
