it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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