I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
