I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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