How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
