You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
