Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Duck Duck Cougar?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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