At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
