wrigley field is MILF paradise
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
