stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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