I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize