my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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