Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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