I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
