The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
