I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
