If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
