His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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