My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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