I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
