apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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