I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
