i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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