Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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