she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
