when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
