My nipple is on Facebook.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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