Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
