P.S. I can't hear my feet
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
