My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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