Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
