just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
