I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
