I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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