She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
