Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
