oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
