Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
