I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
