very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
