Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
