I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
