Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
