He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
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I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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