My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
