Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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