Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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