Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
