everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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