Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
