Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
