he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
