bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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