I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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