Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
