I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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