she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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