You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
