Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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