Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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