i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
