So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
