I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
