She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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