well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
