Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
