You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
