This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
