the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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