I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
