He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
