i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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