Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I could fuck to npr.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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