mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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