This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
