After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
