Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
