I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
